A Birds Nest

Don’t Try This At Home

You know that saying “Like a sitting duck?” Well–How daft is that? If you’ve ever approached a sitting duck (sleeping, eating, any kind of duck, really) then you’ll know that you have absolutely zero chance of getting within five feet of it without it quacking loudly and waddling away from you at speed.

This was the topic of conversation in the pub last week (along with why horses are dangerous and Liposuction surgery). To cut a long story short, my friend Ted bet me five pounds that I could get within five feet of a sitting duck. I bet five pounds that I couldn’t. Now, before long a small crowd had assembled at our table. Everyone had an opinion, and so in the end a time and date was set to put the bet to rest: we would do it the following day, in the park.

Far as rules went, there was only one: I had to try my hardest to catch a duck, and invigilators would be on hand to make sure I did so.

The day came. We all met a few hundred metres from a gang of ducks who were renowned for their speed and quacking. Then I snuck up towards them, and I charged–

And the unexpected happened! It turned out that I had picked a particularly sleepy duck–and before I could think I had the little fella in my hands!

“What do I do?!” I screamed. Meanwhile the duck pecked at me and tried to flee. I had no intention of keeping hold of it, of course, only the bird had got its webbed foot trapped in my jumper. He’d stuck it through a hole and got trapped!

It all turned out ok in the end. The duck was released, and I lost my five pounds.